What brand of pen does Lance Armstrong use?

Uni-ball

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Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What batteries do turtles use?

Durashells

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What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid?

Nike. Their motto says just "Just do it".

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

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What do you call a pen without style?

Stylus.

Where do bad pigs go?

They get sent to the pen.

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What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand?

Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen Pentel.