What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

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What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?

I must throw that doggie out the window !"!

Why did Waldo go to therapy?

to find himself.

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What's the difference between my bike and your mom?

Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.

What do your mom and monkeys have in common?

Macaque

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Why did you name your son Tinnitus?

I don't know, me and my wife just thought it had a nice ring to it.

What did the two stoners do with their son when they divorced?

They put him under joint custody.