What did the pot-smoking alien say when asked what toppings he wanted on his sammich?

Ayy lil' mayo.

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What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?

Join the Hare Force.

Why don't married men live as long as single men?

They don't want to!

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What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend?

I just need some bread

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

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What toppings?

Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza" "Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"

Why didn't Mario put more toppings on his pizza?

Because there wasn't mushroom on it.