What did the redditor do to a post?

He rEDDITed it. I'll leave.

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Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.

What did Pink Floyd say to Jerry Sandusky?

Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!

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Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg?

Eggs get laid only once

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Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

What's the most environmentally friendly subreddit?

Everything there is recycled, including this post.