What do conspiracy nuts do to fall asleep?

They count sheeple.

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What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

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How does the Terminator lose weight?

By counting Kylereese.

Why does VALVE end with 2?

Because they can't count to