What do conspiracy nuts do to fall asleep?

They count sheeple.

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What is green, fuzzy and very deadly if it falls on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

What do you get when you foot falls asleep?

Coma-toes.

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What is the proper weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds .......not counting the urn!

Why don't girls count to two?

Because they "can't even."