What do Jesus and my high school girlfriend have in common?

They both bled for me.

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What does the son of God do when he is the victim of medical malpractice?

Jesus

What did Jesus say to Peter?

Hebrew

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Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.