Bleed Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

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What's got two legs, spots and bleeds?

Half a cheetah.

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until daddy gets home

What's the easiest way to make a homeless person bleed?

Brush their teeth!

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

What's got two legs and bleeds?

half a dog Derek, s01e05

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What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

How many times did you get tackled?

m:bleeding Twice

What has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

What's got two legs and bleed a lot?

half-a-dog!

What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?

Nothing, he already said it twice.

Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote?

ME: bleeding profusely So... not a dog

How do you know when a liberal is really dead?

A: His heart stops bleeding.

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.

What is puberty?

B- Do you bleed BD - ... B - You Will

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

Why do women make better soldiers?

Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

What can guys call it?

How about bleeding white

What do Jesus and my high school girlfriend have in common?

They both bled for me.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between my wife and the dress?

The dress is white and gold

Why did the drunk Mexican shoot his wife?

Tequilher

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why was the lizard upset with her husband?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ... Okay bye now

Why didnt the witch have any children?

Because her husband had a hollow weenie

Rebel Jokes More Rebel Jokes

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

Why was Darth Vader so upset?

He was looking for the Rebels in Aldeerwrong places...

Limb Jokes More Limb Jokes

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs?

Names.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why do liberals travel in threes?

A: One to read one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.

How do you blind a Chinese man?

lay floss over their eyes

Tooth Jokes More Tooth Jokes

What do you call 27 West Virginians?

A full set of teeth.

What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth

Gauze Jokes More Gauze Jokes

What do you call an injured Confederate soldier that can't find a medic?

A rebel without a gauze.

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

How do you change a cat into a dog?

Soak it in gasoline, hold a match up to it, and "woof!"

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.