What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?

Draculaw

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

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What is a vampires favourite food?

Vampires aren't real

Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?

Ghouldilocks.

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What do the umpires rule it?

Fowl ball

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club