Rule Jokes

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

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What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule?

The pet store

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

Why does pokemon have only one save file per game?

I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)

What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic?

One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian.

What do you call a developmentally challenged member of the ruling elite?

An autistocrat.

What do you call a country ruled by dank memes?

Kappatalism

How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?

Post something humorous in . P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?

What's the first rule for hitting on girls?

Hit them where it won't show.

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

Who would rule in a dog world ?

The pawlice.

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What do the umpires rule it?

Fowl ball

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

What did the sign say?

Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Who ruled France until he exploded?

A: Napoleon Blownapart!

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?

Draculaw

What do you call a country ruled by oppressive Vikings?

Norse Korea

What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

Why did god invent whiskey?

x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world

What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?

A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!

If I had to guess the religion of Daniel Day Lewis...

I would probably say Methodist.

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Server Jokes More Server Jokes

What do you call a server at a funeral?

A wake-tress

How many servers does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, it's not my side work.

Violate Jokes More Violate Jokes

What happens if you violate Reddit's content policy?

removed

How do you say hello to a femnist?

You don't. To do so would violate her wish to not be part of the society she lives in.

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

Why do people post missing person posts on Facebook?

Like we're going outside...

What's the most annoying thing on /r/jokes?

People who post the joke intro twice.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

Consider Jokes More Consider Jokes

Why are pharmaceutical chemists considered such studs?

They're able to make a fun-gal cream.

What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?

A hot dog and a six pack.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

Where'd you go?

Him: "You meant with you "

How do you know statisticians are always serious?

They mean what they say.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the only thing more annoying than a pushy vegan?

When redditors won't shut up about how annoying one is.

What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.