Rule Jokes

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

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What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule?

The pet store

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

Why does pokemon have only one save file per game?

I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)

What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic?

One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian.

What do you call a developmentally challenged member of the ruling elite?

An autistocrat.

What do you call a country ruled by dank memes?

Kappatalism

How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?

Post something humorous in . P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?

What's the first rule for hitting on girls?

Hit them where it won't show.

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

Who would rule in a dog world ?

The pawlice.

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What do the umpires rule it?

Fowl ball

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

What did the sign say?

Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Who ruled France until he exploded?

A: Napoleon Blownapart!

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?

Draculaw

What do you call a country ruled by oppressive Vikings?

Norse Korea

What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

Why did god invent whiskey?

x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world

What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?

A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!

If I had to guess the religion of Daniel Day Lewis...

I would probably say Methodist.

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Shopping Cart Jokes More Shopping Cart Jokes

What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist?

A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own

Why did they invent the shopping cart?

To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

Tip Jokes More Tip Jokes

Why can't Redditors lose their virginity?

They can never get further than the tip!

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen?

Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What are the four elements?

Pupil: Fire Earth Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet Pupil: Well Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net I'm in my element.

Whats up?

Me:Onion prices. S:You know what I mean,like What's crackin' M:Nutshells. S:Really Fine.What's poppin M:Corn. *Blocked*

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?

Looks like we got a tail.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between Genders and The Twin Towers?

There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Squirtle Jokes More Squirtle Jokes

What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?

X-post from /r/pokemon) Squirtle

Why does pokemon have only one save file per game?

I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How long has this been bothering you?

Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm. Men: I think it started in the 90's.

What does a mole think, when he digs trough lower Austria?

Make way, children.