What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

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What kind of TV show do felines watch?

Catoons

Why can't children watch pirate movies?

Because they're rated

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What do you get when you step into the ring with Mohammad Ali?

Too soon

What did King Trident say when he stepped in the whale poop?

OH CARP!!!

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Why did god invent whiskey?

x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.