Step Jokes

Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is that you Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir. The floor is still wet.

What does a panther say when it steps on ants?

ded-ant.. ded-ant.. ded-ant dedan deadANT dedandead-annnnnt # d-d-d-deadant.

What are the three steps to put an elephant into the fridge..?

1.Open the fridge 2.Put the elephant in 3.Close the fridge

What would you do if someone is choking?

Take a step back.

What do you do if you step on a landmine?

Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.

What happens when you step on an oily asian?

Better not say. I feel like I'm already treading on a slippery slope.

What's the best vegetable for stepping on when you get out of the shower?

A toe-mat-o.

What's the difference between a feminist and a doormat?

You might try and knock some mud off on the sidewalk before you step on the doormat.

What does a dog do that you step in?

Pants.

How are getting popular in high school and getting a college woman pregnant similar?

Step one: penetrate the student body.

Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?

Because they keep stepping on the string.

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What's the first step of fire safety?

4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Cause I stepped on it.

What did the bacterium do when its sibling stepped on its toe?

My toe sis!"

What happened to you?

the doctor asks. "I stepped on something."

What did King Trident say when he stepped in the whale poop?

OH CARP!!!

How does a flight of steps check out a woman?

It stares.

What was wrriten on a sign at the entrance of a gas chamber in the Holocaust?

Watch your step

What do a Yugo and a bath have in common?

You can't step out of them in public.

How much have you had to drink?

Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel

What would you say is your biggest flaw?

i step in in people's conversations" "i was asking *him*"

What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back?

A receding hare line.

What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

Why do elephants jump across rivers?

So they won't step on the fish.

What is the last step in manufacturing Tickle-Me-Elmo's before packaging and shipping to stores?

Give it two test-tickles.

Why did the computer squeak?

A: Someone stepped on the mouse.

What do you call a Christian who fell down the stairs?

A couple of steps closer to their final destination.

What does a dog do that a man steps in?

Pants

What do you say when you step on a snake?

Well that bites.

How did the firefly react when he was stepped on?

He was delighted.

What do you call 99 bunnies walking forward and they take one step backwards?

A receding hare line.

What did the sister cell say to her sister cell when she stepped on her foot?

Ow Mytosis! Credits to Amanda Damiani

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels?

Very large ones.

What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead annnnnntttttttt Courtesy of my little cousin.

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.

What did the Pink Panther say as he stepped on a bug?

Dead Ant, Dead Ant Dead Ant Dead Ant Dead Ant Dead Ant, Dead AaaaaaaaaaAAAaaannt

What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on Ant?

Nothing, Pink Panther doesn't talk!

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot

How to climb a flight of stairs?

Step one Step two Step three

What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop?

Feces-tious

What goes cluck, cluck, cluck, boom?

A chicken stepping on a landmine.

How do you please all the people?

Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!

What's worse than stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night?

A landmine.

What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead Ant, Dead Ant....Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant...

What did the Zucchini say when it got stepped on?

squash*

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

What's the first step to throwing a space party?

You planet.

Who likes music?

asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

Why was the stair frustrated and angry?

It was tired of being stepped on by everyone!

What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

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Door Jokes More Door Jokes

What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

What does a Mexican Morpheus say?

Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door...

Carpenter Jokes More Carpenter Jokes

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Which duck will destroy the establishment?

None, ducks are not allowed in politics.

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married?

Cantaloupe...

Fear Jokes More Fear Jokes

What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

How do you get over a fear of elevators?

Just take some steps to avoid them!

Develop Jokes More Develop Jokes

What do you get when American pioneers develop a video game?

They manifest Destiny

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

Music Jokes More Music Jokes

What's a mathematician's favorite kind of music?

Logarithms

Where do Dalmatians get their music from?

Spotify.

Flight Jokes More Flight Jokes

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

He brought the wrong carrion.

Mitosis Jokes More Mitosis Jokes

What did the cell say to his sister who stepped on his toe?

Mitosis!

What did one cell say to his sister after she stepped on him?

Mitosis. Huehuehuehuehuehue