Horse Jokes

What did the horse say to the other horse?

Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

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What do you call it when two terrorists are horsing around on the radio?

Talibanter

What do you get when you cross a canyon with a horse?

I don't know nobody has ever made it across.

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

Which horse runs the city?

The mare, of course

What do you call a horse that makes bad jokes?

Unicorny

What's a horses favourite condiment?

Mayonneighs

What do Dothraki use to count their horses?

A Khalculator

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

Who are the biggest nay-sayers on Earth?

Horses

What did the horse get on his oral exam?

A-neigh

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What do horses hope for on election day?

A stable economy

What do you call a horse that lives next to you?

A Neigh-bor. Sorry for my horrible dad joke.

What did the mountain climber name his horse?

Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.

What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

What do you call a horse who goes freerunning?

Sarah Jessica Parkour

How do jockeys stay on their horses?

Jockey straps.

What did the horse say when he regained his vision?

Merci.

Why did the horse get a divorce?

It didn't have a stable relationship.

Why did the horse feel famous on Reddit?

He was gelded.

Why do the horses hate the jockey?

Because he's a horse racist.

What's the favorite color of horses?

Horse rddish.

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What happens when a bull and a horse go to a bar?

They get BUCKED up!

How do you get a horse out of jail?

Hay bail.

Why did the horse stumble?

He was de-stable-ized.

How do you call a jockey falling from his horse ?

An Hippic fail.

What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?

A gallop poll.

What do you call a stripper donkey?

A Horse.

What do you call a horse at night?

A Nightmare

What do you call someone that lives next a horse?

Their neighbor

What race of horses is the most popular on Pandora?

Neightiri.

How much power does it take to move a tank?

A horse

What is the difference between a Texan and a redneck?

Texans tend to ride horses whereas rednecks ride their cousins. -American Sniper

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

Why do horses have such a low divorce rate?

Because they're all in relationships!

What's the difference between a horse and a 13 year old boy?

The horse knows when I'm grooming him.

What's the difference between a horse and a zebra?

A lawyer.

What did the horse say when he fell down?

I've fallen and I can't giddyup.

Why is the Mississippi so wide?

Because Mr. Sippi is hung like a horse.

How many Dornishmen does it take to shoe a horse?

Nine. One to do the shoeing, and eight to lift up the horse!

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Why the long face ?

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.

Why don't the Amish waterski?

The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH

How do you get down from a horse?

You don't. You get down from a duck.

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

What do you call a horse with a broken leg?

Worthless

What's a camel?

A horse made by committee.

What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse?

An horse.

What's the difference between a horse?

The orange has handlebars

What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?

He went on furlong-er.

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?

They both paralyze superman

What did Keanu Reeves say to slow down his horse?

Whoa.

What's up with that horse?

sees a giraffe for the first time Okay, what the hell is going on today

What do you do when a horse breaks down?

Call triple neighhh!

What did the bartender say to the horse?

bartender: Why the long face Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family.

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?

He was always horsing around.

What kind of television do horses like?

A: Saddle-lite TV

What did Paul Revere say when he got on his horse?

Giddy up horsey !

How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ?

A horse !

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Why are horses never overweight?

They're on a stable diet.

Why are horses so negative?

Because they're nay sayers.

What do you call a mummy on a horse?

A knight in Charmin armor.

Why do you wear riding boots?

You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers You don't sneak.

What do you call a horse that's a criminal?

A Zebra.

What did the horse say when it walked into the bar?

ouch..."

How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?

He tried to stirrup some interest!

What do call a horse that lives near you?

A neighbor (naybor for pessimist horses)

What do you call a horse that's thinking of home?

Mentally in-stable.

How do you make a horse fast?

You take away his food.

Why did the horse miss the joust?

He had the knight off!

What does the horse call the pigs on his farm?

Neigh-boars.

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

A: A hobby horse.

What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill?

It bucked!

What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show?

I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?

Yankee poodle!

What do you call a horse that has been kicked out of his house?

Unstable

How do you hire a horse?

Put a brick under each hoof!

How do you get down off a horse?

You don't, you get down off a duck.

What do you call a horse getting carried away with a magic marker?

A zebra.

What person strives to ensure safety for horses?

Ralph Neighder!

What do you get when you cross a horse with a pig?

Sarah Jessica Porker

What did the horse say when he fell over?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up."

What do you call the area where a horse lives?

The NEIGHHHHHHborhood

Why did the boy stand behind the horse?

He thought he might get a kick out of it!

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

Why did the horse fail German?

Because he could only say, "neighn!"

Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?

They're always switching their tails!

Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?

Because it's covered with horsehide!

What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?

Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses?

In the Sir Lance Lot

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?

If one bit you you could ride it to hospital !

Why was the man sued by his horse?

For palomino-money!

What do you call a horse who disagrees with you?

Glue.

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Get off your high horse.

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How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.

What does a feminist doorbell say?

Stop-oppressing-me

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What did Kris Kross tell the nervous paratrooper?

Tell her you're a paratrooper. Chicks dig that kind of thing."

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Denim denim denim.

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Why do dentists recommend jpeg?

It is a flossy compression method.

Why thank u.. are u single?

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What shoes to chickens wear?

Reebok bok bok

What are a NEET's favorite type of shoes?

REEEEEEEEEEEEBOKS

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Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

What if horses rode horses?

And then THOSE horses rode MORE horses Then it's like, whoa dude! Check out that big stack of horses!

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What do David Carradine and the Mets have in common?

They both choke when it really matters.

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

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Why so long face?

Latvian say, "I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."

Why the long face ?

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.