What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation

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How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

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What are you doing, creep?

she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

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How do you ask a tyrannosaur out to lunch?

Tea, Rex?"

What did you have for breakfast?

Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch A: Pea Soup Q: What did you have for dinner A: Pea Soup Q: What did you do all night A: Pee soup...