Lunch Jokes

What did Hillary have for lunch the other day?

Little Seizures

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What did one plate say to the other?

Lunch is on me."

How did Metallica get their band name?

They Bonded over lunch.

What is white and disturbs your lunch?

An avalanche

Why was Biggie hungry at school?

He forgot Tupac his lunch!

What do you call it when a man is given an order to take another man out lunch?

A MANDATE

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch. I'll show myself out now

How do you ask a tyrannosaur out to lunch?

Tea, Rex?"

How can you tell if a mechanic went home for lunch?

One of his fingers is clean

What did the physicist have for lunch?

Fission chips.

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

I ate so many chickpeas, now I falafel.

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What did the baby seal order for lunch?

The club sandwich.

What's Sad About Lunch in Ethiopia?

There is no lunch.

What do performing bears at the circus get for lunch?

30 minutes.

What did you have for breakfast?

Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch A: Pea Soup Q: What did you have for dinner A: Pea Soup Q: What did you do all night A: Pee soup...

How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch?

A: Tea Rex

What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

One's constantly preparing for lunch.

What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening?

A cannibal

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?

Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

Why did Dracula miss lunch?

Because he didn't fancy the stake.

Why did the man drink two beers with his lunch?

Because he wanted to drink two beers with his lunch.

Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch?

They don't want to have to retrain them.

What Bible verse keeps every student going?

Lunch 11:35.

What is that you're having for lunch?

Me: fruit salad H: That's funny, it looks like a sangria. Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*

What type of lunch do you get at an air show?

A plain one.

What do polar bears have for lunch ?

Ice burger !

Where would you take a ghost for lunch?

Pizza Haunt!

How do you tell which plumber went home for lunch?

He's the one with the clean finger.

When were you most satisfied at your last job?

Me: After lunch, next question.

Why did the aligator spit out his lunch?

Because it was two years old

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco bell for lunch

What did the cannibal have for lunch?

Baked beings (beans).

Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii?

Me: No, this is just my lunch.

What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?

Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.

Where do young cows eat lunch?

In the calf-ateria.

Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?

Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy.

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Why was the cannibal sad at dinner?

Because he got the cold shoulder.

What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

Whats the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

One of them is actually wanted!

Cleavage Jokes More Cleavage Jokes

What do earth scientists look at on their lunch breaks?

Cleavage.

What do you call the cleavage of someone with breast implants?

Silicone Valley

Physicist Jokes More Physicist Jokes

What did the physicist say to the depressed hippy?

There's no such thing as negative energy"

How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

Where do Martians drink beer ?

At a mars bar !

Biggie Jokes More Biggie Jokes

What did Tupac say when his best friend died?

No Biggie.

What did Jay Z say when his friend died?

No Biggie.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?

Laying mantises.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.