What do you call Vladimir Putin after an ultimate fighting championship?

Vloody Putin

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What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!"

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

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What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?

Head Russian...

What did Vladimir Putin say to the Ukraine after he annexed it?

Crimean river.