What do you get when you cross an idiot with a watch?

A cuckoo clock.

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Why did the apple cross the road?

To get to the other cider.

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog ?

An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

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Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?

Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"

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What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire?

She's Bright...

How many idiots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Trick question. Idiots can't screw in lightbulbs regardless of help from other idiots.