What do you tell a woman that has 37 stab wounds?

Nothing, you already told her 37 times.

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How can you tell if you have a mature or an immature sense of humor?

poop.

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

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When is the only time a woman says something smart?

When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"

What gets wetter the more you dry?

A woman on a tumble dryer! (Bet you thought I was gonna say 'a towel', didn't you, silly redditors )

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What do you tell a woman that has 37 stab wounds?

Nothing, you already told her 37 times.

What do you get if you cross a 20-year-old man, and 37 steak knives?

25 years in prison