What do you think of my tweets?

Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say Wife: You're consistent.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

What's the problem when your wife walks out of the kitchen?

The chain is too long.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What did the black hole say to the pulsar?

I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation

What is the past tense of 'think'?

So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50