What does a horny man living in Northern Russia need?

He needs two jacket.

This joke may have profanity.

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What does a stock broker and a gym rat have in common?

NEED MORE GAINS

What's the difference between a public park and a public toilet?

I need to know before my court date on Monday.

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What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag's a big plus

What do you call a clock tower somebody lives in?

A timely manor.

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How does a coat steal something?

They jacket

Where's my freaking phone?

and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"