What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

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What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to handle the bulb and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

Why was the cab driver contemplating his life?

Because he had nothing to chauffeur.