Philosopher Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug
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How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.

Thoreau Jokes More Thoreau Jokes

Why did Thoreau build a house?

A: Because he wanted to be walled-in.

What do you call it when a transcendentalist author looks at old photos?

Thoreau Back Thursday

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?

Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What do you call a group of invading pirates?

An **Arrr**my

Argument Jokes More Argument Jokes

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

Why shouldn't you ever have an argument with Mobius?

Because they're always so one sided!

Play Doh Jokes More Play Doh Jokes

What's a philosopher's favorite toy?

Play-doh.

Which Greek Philosopher was the easiest to manipulate?

Play-Doh

Plato Jokes More Plato Jokes

Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth?

He didn't understand Flossophy!

What's a philosophers favorite toy?

Plato

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What does it mean when a doctor has both hands on your shoulders?

The Prostate exam isn't going he way you expected

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

Cure Jokes More Cure Jokes

How do you cure depression?

A gun.

Why aren't PhDs real doctors?

Because real doctors have cures.