Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

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What car does Luke Skywalker drive?

A Toyoda

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

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Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

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What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture?

I can smell your Kant.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.