Cure Jokes

Why doesn't cancer let anyone in a music store?

It doesn't want anyone to find The Cure.

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How do you cure a headache?

A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

How do you cure depression?

A gun.

What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say?

Who cures?

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!"

What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured?

Icee."

What did the cannibal Doctor do with his patients?

He cured them.

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

What's the one thing make a wish foundation can't give you?

The cure

What makes a salami excited?

When the ham is cured!

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How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the hiccups?

Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

we're walking four abreast."

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.

Why aren't PhDs real doctors?

Because real doctors have cures.

How to cure affluenza?

Introduce him to Warhammer.

What do you call an egg that cures cancer?

A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How does a mathematician cure constipation?

How does a mathematician cure her constipation She works it out with a pencil.

How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

What's the cure for world hunger?

Food

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Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress?

They have a lot of patients

Headache Jokes More Headache Jokes

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

What did the ill kitty say to the playful puppy?

Not right meow, I have a headache."

Blind Man Jokes More Blind Man Jokes

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

One can't see to go the other can't go to sea.

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

Wish Foundation Jokes More Wish Foundation Jokes

What do you call three Make-a-Wish Foundation kids?

A genie.

What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation?

A Rap Tour

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

What do space aliens put on their windows?

A: Venutian blinds.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why we going into the woods?

Let me out"

Why did the lead singer of Drowning Pool lose his job at Starbucks?

HE LET BISCOTTI HIT THE FLOOR

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What do you call a piano composer that smokes?

Tarcoughski

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What does a math teacher do when he has hemorrhoids?

He works them out with a pencil.

What secret society do strippers work for?

The Illuminaughty.