Cure Jokes

Why doesn't cancer let anyone in a music store?

It doesn't want anyone to find The Cure.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you cure a headache?

A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!

How do you cure depression?

A gun.

What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say?

Who cures?

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!"

What did the blind man say when he sipped a frozen drink and was cured?

Icee."

What did the cannibal Doctor do with his patients?

He cured them.

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

Why do pigs run from medicine?

They hate getting cured.

What's the one thing make a wish foundation can't give you?

The cure

What makes a salami excited?

When the ham is cured!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the hiccups?

Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

we're walking four abreast."

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.

Why aren't PhDs real doctors?

Because real doctors have cures.

How to cure affluenza?

Introduce him to Warhammer.

What do you call an egg that cures cancer?

A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How does a mathematician cure constipation?

How does a mathematician cure her constipation She works it out with a pencil.

How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

What's the cure for world hunger?

Food

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Realise Jokes More Realise Jokes

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

Dunk Jokes More Dunk Jokes

How to make a dog meow or your cat bark?

Freeze your dog and then take an angle grinder and use it on your dog and it Will say meeeeeow. Dunk your cat in gasoline and light it on fire and it Will say woof

What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?

a girl from Jersey.

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What was the best magic trick Osama Bin Laden ever pulled?

He made the World Trade Center disappear.

What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears?

A gf gif gift grift

Good Cure Jokes More Good Cure Jokes

What is the best cure for a headache?

DECAPITATION!!!

What's the best cure to a bad hangover?

A good personality

Pencil Jokes More Pencil Jokes

What did one pencil say to the other?

2B or not 2B?

Why did the little boy flush a pencil down the toilet?

Because it was a Number 2.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

What does a girl want more than anything?

Nothing. She is fine.

Sick Pig Jokes More Sick Pig Jokes

What do you give a sick pig?

Oinkment!

What should you do with your sick pig?

make it into cured bacon