Patient Jokes

the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "But doc this is my first operation." "Really It's mine too and I am not excited at all."

What's the hardest part about working as a nurse or doctor at a women's hospital?

When you ask the patients "what's the problem " They'll say "nothing"

What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?

Asif Eyecare

Why did the doctor quit his job?

He ran out of patients.

How's your headache?

Patient: She's out of town.

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

Why is that?

Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.

What are we waiting for?

the doctor asks. "Patients, Doctor," replied the nurse. "Patients."

What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?

At your cervix, m'lady

What do a Pediatrician and Podiatrist have in common?

Their patients are 2'

How does a deaf Gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips.

What kind of patients?

All of them"

How bad are they?

Doctor: It depends, how old are you Patient: I will be 24 soon. Doctor: Pffff, no you won't.

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

What do you see?

Patient: A house and Me: Wrong it's Batman. Ok this one Patient: I se Me: Nope. Batman again.

Why don't urologists hand out stickers their patients?

Because they are always telling them "You're in trouble"

How you're feeling now?

Patient: I'm feeling lonely with chill girl and 60 other persons

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

When do doctors get angry?

When they run out of patients.

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How can you ask a Mexican if their zodiac sign is leo?

Julio

What did the Redditor say when... What did Redditor say when asked why he failed his PSAT test?

TL;DR"

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's difference between 10 dead babies and Lamborghini?

I don't have Lamborghini in my garrage

What's the difference between matter and a hormone?

You can't make matter.

Key Jokes More Key Jokes

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

What's the key to finding love?

Rohypnol

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Two. One to change it and another one to change it back again.

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

Batman Jokes More Batman Jokes

What do black people and Batman have in common?

Neither one of them get r/dadjokes

What does Batman take with his drinks?

Just ice

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

How's she getting on?

I replied, "I'm not sure, I think they use a crane."

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

Inmate Jokes More Inmate Jokes

What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?

A Cellfie

What is a Mature man who likes young women?

An Inmate