What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

What is a baby's favorite Fall Out Boy song?

Thanks For The Mammaries

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What happens if you feed Link some Speed?

you get a Hyperlink ...

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling very well. Credit to my four year old niece.

What do they call the doctor who released private health information after he got mad at his being given away?

A Hipaacrite

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why is that?

Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.

What did the pro bono plastic surgeon say to their patient on Dec 31st?

Happy new ears Eve!