What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

He charges you double.

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What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

She moved.

What happened when the Samsung Note 7 was launched?

It was an explosive success

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What did the flower say when she was begged not to tell a secret?

Chrysanthemum's the word.

What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes?

It's all in the execution."

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How does a penman make his living?

He charges a calligra-fee of course!

How much will that be?

asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Psychiatrist Jokes More Psychiatrist Jokes

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to *want* to be screwed in.

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

Double Jokes More Double Jokes

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

He charges you double.

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"