What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.

What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ?

You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.

One Jokes More One Jokes

How can you tell Sofia Vergara's children on the playground?

They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.

Whats the difference between a woman and a dog?

Put them both in the trunk of your car, drive around the block, and see which ones happy to see you afterwards.

Psychiatrist Jokes More Psychiatrist Jokes

What did the psychiatrist say to the crazy naked guy wrapped in cellophane?

Clearly, I can see your nuts.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?

He ran out of patients.

How bad are they?

Doctor: It depends, how old are you Patient: I will be 24 soon. Doctor: Pffff, no you won't.

Mental Hospital Jokes More Mental Hospital Jokes

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.