Work Jokes

What is it called when the police work overtime?

Copper Nitrate.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Which is the smallest profession? A mini cab driver or a micro biologist?

Neither. I have a friend who works in computers.

Whats black and isn't working?

Black lives matter.

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work

What do you call a snake that works in the government?

A civil serpent

What do you call a bell which doesn't do it's work?

A rebell

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

What Is Bluetooth ?

When your toothbrush stops working mid brushing

Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?

Because they're paid to.

What do you call four Mexicans working in a restroom?

Cuatro Sinko

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

It was a work of friction.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today

Why did the man go to the doctor after taking his friend to work?

He had carpool tunnel

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

What did the constipated mathematician do?

He worked it out with a pencil.

What does a depressed girl do when she needs to get a lot of work done?

She takes Sadderall.

How does a road reply when you ask it how work is going?

It's tiring.

What is the similarity between a black man and a bike?

They both only work with a chain on.

Why did the people's phones stop working on the plane's that crashed into the twin towers?

They were in airplane mode. (I'm so sorry)

Why are Aspirins and Paracetamol white?

Well, you want them to work, don't you?

How do people with injured hands commute to work?

Carpool tunnels

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables. Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table? Works, doesn't it?

Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

It never worked out because they never met

How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

What does a lawyer wear to work?

A law-suit

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)

Why do cows have bells?

Because there horns don't work

Why did the corn maze go back to school?

It was tired of working in a dead end field.

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)

Why didn't the Mexican guy at work take out the trash at work when I asked him?

He had -ity!

How does the Asian chef get to work?

He woks.

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work?

Because she had a frog in her throat.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.

Why did Boba Fett work alone?

Because he was hunting Solo.

How do you get to a position of power in a science lab?

Work over time

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

Who do you call when your spacebar doesn't work?

A space engineer!

What do you call a sister who works for you?

Nun of your business.

Why does no work ever get done on the Sun?

Because it's always a Sun day

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

How do you turn two colors that work into a rainbow that doesn't?

Colorizebot

Why did the feminist refuse to work at the post office?

Because it was a mail dominated industry

What does BMW stand for?

Black man working

What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

Define intervention." Came up with this today at work.

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal?

A doctor

What's black and never works?

Decaf coffee.

Why should you work for a vegetable factory?

Because they offer a good celery.

What drug does the lord use to get work done?

God speed.

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

It was Pirated.

Who says building a border wall wont work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still dont have any Mexicans.

What do you call a Snake game that doesn't work?

An E-Reptile dysfunction

What's similar between communists and communism?

Neither work.

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

Why aren't there any mexicans in star trek?

They don't work in the future either.

How do you know your S&M partner works in IT?

They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number.

This joke may have profanity.

What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?

They both don't work and always take your money

How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?

You can see the definition.

Why don't babies work?

Because they're all out of cervix

What do you say when your GIF doesn't work?

You get the picture.

Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

He doesn't work well with Vision

Why is stormtrooper always late from work?

He keeps missing his train

Why black people can't be seen in black and white movies?

Becuase they're working in the mine.

What do French labor reforms and French citizens have in common?

They'll never work.

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."

Why is Reddit full of liberals?

All the conservatives are out working.

Why are pills white?

Because they work.

Why didn't the feminist picnic work out?

because they all refused to make sandwiches.

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal?

A doctor.

How do you greet a Rastafarian who's out of work?

jahbless

What is black and doesn't work?

Decaffeinated coffee.

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Why are elevator jokes so funny?

Because they work on so many levels

What's the definition of innocence?

A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

What do fish talk about at work?

Current events

What does a pirate's beard feel like?

Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)

Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb?

Too much work.

What does a chef and a gravitational wave astronomer have in common?

They both work in gastronomy

Whats the similarities between black people and bikes?

Both cant work without chains.

Why can't blind kids have imaginary friends?

Their i's don't work

Why/How do bakers work?

They knead the dough.

Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

Because Demeter stopped working.

How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?

20 Watts

How does the Addidas executive work through the night?

Three lines

How do mathematicians solve constipation?

They just work it out with a pencil!

Why did the crow go to the gym?

To work on his caw strength.

How Can Atheists Make Money, and Get Free Food?

By working at an abortion clinic. Or an orphanage.

This joke may have profanity.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

How Can Athiests Make Money and Get Free Food?

By working at an abortion clinic.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between Olive Garden and Reddit?

At Olive Garden the servers actually work.

Why are hairdressers never late for work?

Because they know all the short cuts!

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

How do you put a baby to sleep?

You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock.

How do you call it, when the internet is not working in Germany?

InterNEIN"

How do blondes carpool?

They meet up a work

What makes you qualified for this job?

Me: Because i work for less and good at licking. Mgmt: You're hired.

What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?

You punch her

What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?

It twerks!" I don't know how this came to me..

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Whats The Difference Between a Hobo On a Unicycle And a Man In a Suit On a Bike?

Attire.

What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

Why are you picking up rocks?

M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

How did they name Canada?

They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What is yellow and lives off beetles?

Yoko Ono

Where do all them scrub gamers live?

Pleblos

Good Day Jokes More Good Day Jokes

What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck?

A good days hunting.

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

How does Jaden Smith keep getting roles in big movies?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."

Hood Jokes More Hood Jokes

Who delivers pizza in the hood?

Popo John's

What hood was the Swedish cholo from?

StockHOLMES!

Stripper Jokes More Stripper Jokes

What does a stripper and a Subway sandwich maker have in common?

They both prefer to be called "artists" instead of what they really are.

How are babies and strippers alike?

They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home