What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Where can you leave your dog when you shop?

The barking lot.

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

What did the blind, paraplegic kid get for his christmas?

cancer

What do you call a blonde geek with cancer?

A dumb terminal

Tear Jokes More Tear Jokes

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How do I look today?

Bruno Mars: "When I see your faceeee" Girl: "Ok ok I get it."

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

End Jokes More End Jokes

Why did the English major break up with the pilot?

Because the pilot kept ending sentences with a preposition, over.

What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

Baked ham.

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A buccaneer!

How much does it cost for a pirate to get an ear piercing?

A buccaneer.

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?

No strings attached

Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

It never worked out because they never met

Fortune Jokes More Fortune Jokes

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!