Relationship Jokes

Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

It never worked out because they never met

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What do you call a dinosaur who just got out of a relationship?

Tyrannosaurus Ex

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

What is a relationship?

It's the one that always sinks....

Why did Romeo and Juliet break up?

They were in a relationship!

What's the relationship between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?

A pound of rubles is worth one dollar.

How are relationships like algebra?

You look at your X and try to find out Y

What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?

No strings attached

Why do horses have such a low divorce rate?

Because they're all in relationships!

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

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What do Super Mario Brothers, and relationships have in common?

Sometimes you have to slay a few dragons before you get to the princess

What is important in relationships?

Reflexivity and transitivity.

What's longer than most relationships these days?

This status.

Why is it a bad idea to get in a relationship with a statue?

Because it's not going anywhere.

What is hard to get from Straight men?

Straight answers about relationships.

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

A: She is my daughter. Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13 1979

Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship?

All they will do is fight tooth and nail!

Why is it so hard to get into a relationship with an SJW?

Because they have high double standards.

What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?

Polyarmory

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

A. Telling you his real name.

What did the number do when it divided from its companion?

Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'.

What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Who do you call when your spacebar doesn't work?

A space engineer!

What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Working legs.

Fuel Jokes More Fuel Jokes

What is green and goes a hundred miles per hour?

A fuel injected pickle.

What does RoboCop use for fuel?

Petroleum

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How many sad soccer fans are there today?

A Brazillion...

Why is today a trucker's favorite day?

Cuz it's 10-4 GOOD BUDDY!!!

X Jokes More X Jokes

What did the pirate say as he was sailing through Jamaica?

X marks the pot, matey."

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What's the best part of having Alzheimer's?

You get to meet new people everyday!

What do you say when you meet a German virgin for the first time?

Guden Tight

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What's a dog's least favorite unit of measurement?

Pounds

Why is the new Brexit diet so popular?

All you gotta be is a little more than halfway into it and the pounds will start falling.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

Divorce Jokes More Divorce Jokes

What did Luke say at Han and Leia's wedding?

May divorce be with you

What's the definition of divorce?

The screwing you get for the screwing you got!