Astronaut Jokes

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut.

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Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

Because he was spaced out.

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space Jam.

How do astronauts make a party?

They planet.

What's a astronauts favorite food?

Lays, because they are full of air.

What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

A personal space man

Why don't astronauts take anything seriously?

They don't grasp the gravity of the situation...

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

How does the astronaut cut his hair?

Eclipse

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What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?

An astronaut you racist..

What do astronauts do to host a party?

They planet.

Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

Because they can get 4g

What did the astronaut from AA say in space?

Houston, I have a problem."

How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

Straight up.

Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft?

At parking meteors.

How do astronauts say they're sorry?

They apollo-gize.

What color were eyes of the Astronaut on the Challenger when it exploded?

Blue. One blue this way ---- and the other blue that way -----

What did the astronaut get on his science project?

He received a T minus.

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

I need space.

What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?

Space Jam

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.

What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot?

Missile Toe

How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

I just need some space."

How do you calm down an astronaut?

you give him space.

What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?

An astronaut.

Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?

The one with the biggest head.

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?

He blasts off:

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

What's the difference between an astronaut and a NASA intern?

One's constantly preparing for lunch.

What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?

Girl: Apollo neck jumpers

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.

What do astronauts get?

missile toe

What do you call an Asian woman on the moon?

an Astronaut

When do you ground an astronaut?

When they're astronauty.

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

What does an astronaut say when he's sorry?

All my Apollo-gies.

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

Because they've just had a big launch.

How do Astronauts screw in a lightbulb?

They don't: They screw in a vacuum.

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?

At parking meteors.

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

I need some space.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

Why is it hard dating an astronaut?

Because they have space issues.

What kind of gum do astronauts chew?

Hubble Bubble

What do you call a donut that is out of this world?

Astronaut-----

What do you call an astronaut who loves himself?

A NASAccist!

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

Why was the astronaut so sore?

He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid.

What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out?

He saw stars.

Why are there no astronauts on Twitch.tv?

Because in space, no one can hear you stream.

What do astronauts wear to bed?

Space Jammies!

How do astronauts plan a party?

They planet. (Plan-et)

Why didn't the astronauts land on the moon?

Because it was full. * (from a taffy taffy wrapper--oh my god what am I doing with my life)

What type of knot do you tie in space?

An astronaut.

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize"

How does it feel son?

Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

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What is black and in jail?

A black man who committed a crime.

Whats the worst thing you can call a black man that starts with N and ends with R?

Neighbor

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Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?

I wouldn't fit through the door.

What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?

Triforce

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Why does no one like the number 4?

It's too square.

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

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What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?

Thanks, it's my special tea.

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

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What did the black hole say to the pulsar?

I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation

What do you call a pachyderm that has nothing to do with the situation?

Irrelelephant.

Easy Way Jokes More Easy Way Jokes

What's the easiest way to end a friendship?

Just asking for a friend

What's the easiest way to make a homeless person bleed?

Brush their teeth!

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What do you get with breaking news?

News casts

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

Why are you letting people touch your new born?

I don't let people touch my new iPhone

How are asymptotes like women?

You can get close to it, but you can't touch it