Tear Jokes

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

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What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?

It tears your apart.

Why does salt melt snow?

Because when your salty you melt down in tears.

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

What did the ancient Greek mother say when her sons toga got torn?

Euripides, Eumenides

Why did the tear testify in court?

Because he was an eye wetness.

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What do you give someone who is about to tear up?

Tape

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

The water washes away her tears

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

What's wrong with Andrew Jackson?

He had an Underground Rail Road too, called the Trail of Tears.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Why are we running so fast?

asked one. "Because" said the second "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

Why are dogs always SENSITIVE?

Because they have tears in their eyes

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

You might also enjoy:

Trail Jokes More Trail Jokes

What do you call it when you keep wiping but brown still shows?

The Trail of Smears

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?

Hiss is the end of the line for you !

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

Struggle Jokes More Struggle Jokes

Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat ?

To see if there was any more money in the kitty !

What do you have there?

Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.

Dave Jokes More Dave Jokes

What's your spirit animal?

An eagle. They're so majestic." MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?

A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

Body Jokes More Body Jokes

What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton?

They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with!

What do funeral home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?

They go back and re-herse.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

How are women and linoleum floors alike?

You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Why does Mary Kay walk funny?

Her lipstick

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why did the policeman stay in bed today?

he was undercover *!*

What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?

The posters

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What's up with that horse?

sees a giraffe for the first time Okay, what the hell is going on today

What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.