Tear Jokes

Who's there? Dave. Dave who?

Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What Happens when the Cubs win the World Series?

They Leave a Trail of Tears

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?

It tears your apart.

Why does salt melt snow?

Because when your salty you melt down in tears.

What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien?

One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears

What does Reddit and Dating have in common?

It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle.

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

What did the ancient Greek mother say when her sons toga got torn?

Euripides, Eumenides

Why did the tear testify in court?

Because he was an eye wetness.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you give someone who is about to tear up?

Tape

Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans?

It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old?

The water washes away her tears

Why was the sacajawea coin made?

because the Trail Of Tears had a toll booth.

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

What's wrong with Andrew Jackson?

He had an Underground Rail Road too, called the Trail of Tears.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Why are we running so fast?

asked one. "Because" said the second "it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

Why are dogs always SENSITIVE?

Because they have tears in their eyes

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What do you call a tear in the American flag?

An old glory hole.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

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What do you call Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali?

Salt and Pepper shakers

What did the woman say while she was having a baby?

This could use some salt."

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

Why wasn't Boy George any good at English?

because he always put 5 commas before chameleon.

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What's the difference between Windows 8.1 and Windows 10?

The start menu.

Why didn't Microsoft release Windows 9?

Because Windows 7 ate 9.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What do you call the feeling of being unable to urinate beside a friend?

PEEr pressure!

What do you call that feeling when the bus finally arrives?

a peasantfeeling

Present Jokes More Present Jokes

What, How is that possible!?

Vader: I felt your presents. Luke: NOOOOOOO

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

Cub Jokes More Cub Jokes

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

What is a world series?

I don't expect you to understand son, you are just a Cub"

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What is the irrational fear of Chuck Norris otherwise known as?

A completely rational fear.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They don't know the route.