Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

because he's snowed in.

What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What did the hippie say when somebody told him to get off of their couch?

Namaste.

Ebola Jokes More Ebola Jokes

What do you call a bowl on the internet?

Ebola

Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge?

Don't they want to get better