Why would you be scared to get Ebola?

You haven't left your couch since 2011.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What does a tickle me Elmo get before it leaves the factory?

Two test tickles

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

Ebola Jokes More Ebola Jokes

Why doesn't Ebola harm fruit?

Because if it affected an Apple it'd be called I-Bola.

What do you call a bowl on the internet?

Ebola