Work Jokes

What does an attorney wear to work?

A: A law suit.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What happened out there?

I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either

Why didn't Barbie and Ken's relationship work out?

Because Ken always came in another box.

Where do banana slaves go to work?

Plantaintions.

What do you want to work on today?

Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work?

A Remote control

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

What song do burgers sing on the job?

Gristle While You Work!

What do you do if your bank account stops working?

Throw the guy out of the house.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do you see so many Bernie Posts on r/all?

Because supporters of other candidates are out working or voting.

What works better than anti-depressants?

A 12 Gauge in the mouth This came to me whilst being all depressed.

Why aren't you working?

Me: I didn't see you coming!

What do you call a lizard that doesn't work?

A reptile dysfunction.

Why does the CPU never get any work done?

Because it gets interrupted constantly.

What do you call an old-school CIA agent who believes his work is none of the public's goddamn business?

A Pte-redact-yl

Which room will you be working out in?

Me: None of them, I just need to take a shower.

What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's?

A Friar

What pick-up line works 100% of the time?

Does this smell like chloroform to you

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems?

The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

How will it work?

Remains to be seen.

Why do Puerto ricans have so many kids?

Because pulling out is work!!!

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

What's the rate at which racist work is done?

Whitepower (Horsepower is the rate at which work is done)

This joke may have profanity.

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

Why did the cookie get fired from his job?

He came to work baked.

How does a Bee get to work?

He catches a buzz.

Why is Tylenol white?

Because it works

Why do teenagers want to work for Intel?

Core i3, i5, i7... ican't even! Edited from: >They can't even

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf?

Because it's too much like work what with all of the lying involved.

Who are these women?

A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Whopper at BK You hear BK is now selling a black whopper?

They are already cancelling it because it will never work and everyone wants it for free ...... lmao

Why do bakers work so hard?

Because they knead the dough.

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

What's the worst part about working in a glory hole?

You only get paid in tips.

What do you call a fish who works for the government?

An Official.

What's the similarity between a match and a black person?

You have to strike them against a rough surface to get them to work.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold?

The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) No I am not a dad

What did the manager of a log cutting company tell his employees when they were working too slow?

Chop chop.

What did George Michael say to his partner before he went to work?

Wake me up before you go-go

Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time?

Because she was an operetta (operator).

Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

Who does the butcher look forward to seeing after a tough day at work?

His loving knife.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?

So they can tell if they are going to work or going home while on the bus.

What works in a circus walks a tightrope and has claws ?

An acrocat !

What's a mortician's least favorite day on the job?

Bring Your Kid to Work Day

Why don't the post office get the Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday?

Work smarter not harder people.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?

You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

Why do women love men who work with Horses?

Because those men have got Stable jobs.

Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own'.

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

What's the only thing working out at the gym?

The business plan.

What did the dog say after a hard day at work ?

Today sure was ruff" Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit , thought i'd share it :P

Why do math teachers never get constipated?

Because they always work problems out with a pencil.

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?

They only work 10% of the time.

What did the type setter sing while he worked?

I shot the seriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!

What happened to your car?

SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now

What's wrong with them?

his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming to work today."

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.

How do government employees wink when they're at work?

They briefly open one eye.

What secret organization does Pinnochio work for?

Wooden you like to know

What do you call iron man and silver surfer when they work together?

Alloys.

How do you know the devil is white?

Because he owns hell, he doesn't work for hell.

Why do you want to work in a bank Alan?

Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

Where is the best place for a 1-legged waitress to work?

IHOP

What do you call a reptile that works as a detective?

An investigator.

When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?

Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

What do computers and air conditioners have in common?

Neither work when you open windows.

Why does the boss put clocks under employee's desk?

Because he wanted them to work over-time

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

How does a conceptual artist change a light bulb?

He calls it a work of art.

Who, me?

Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.

What is a drill team?

A group of dentists who work together.

What do you call hiring German engineers to work on your overseas project?

Krautsourcing

What's the most intense part of your work out?

Me: Getting into my sports bra.

Why can't John complete a workout?

He tried, but it didn't work out.

How about the early worm?

How'd that work out for him

Why is Daredevil not a part of the Avengers?

Because he doesn't work with Vision

How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?

He's always HARD at work.

What's black and doesn't work in an office?

Decaf coffee!

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine?

An immigrant.**

Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?

Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"

Why did this adhesive strip quit his work?

He just couldn't tape it anymore..

What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

What's the hardest part about working as a nurse or doctor at a women's hospital?

When you ask the patients "what's the problem " They'll say "nothing"

What kind of work does a weak cat do?

A: Light mouse work.

How many RothChilds does it take to change a light bulb?

There still working on it...

What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Working legs.

Why do need it at work?

It's all I do. "WHAT " I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position?

Ability to work under pressure.

What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a mattababy?

Works every time What's a mattababy Nothing what's a matta with you

You might also enjoy:

Choice Jokes More Choice Jokes

What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice?

The Royal Wii.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

Mexican Guy Jokes More Mexican Guy Jokes

Why'd the Mexican guy have to take xanax?

Because of hispanic attacks..

Why does the Mexican guy take xanax?

For hispanic attacks Edit: Happy Cinco de Mayo

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What does gasoline taste like?

I don't know, I'm in a coma.

How do we know Jesus wasn't good with the ladies?

He only got nailed once

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

A pair of ducks.

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

What did the feminist Jedi say to Emperor Palpatine?

Check your privilege, sithlord

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

Dwarf Pimp Jokes More Dwarf Pimp Jokes

What song does a dwarf pimp sing?

high ho's, high ho's, it's off to work I go

What did the dwarf pimp say to his working girl?

Hi hoe, hi hoe. It's off to work you go!

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What's the hardest part of a gardener's job?

Getting to the root of the problem.

What is the hardest part about sky diving?

The ground.