Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives?

Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why does the CPU never get any work done?

Because it gets interrupted constantly.

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)

Programmer Jokes More Programmer Jokes

Why are programmers bad at doing laundry?

They throw all their dirty clothes on the heap.

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why does the graveyard have fences?

Because people were dying to get in!

What do you call a jelly bear that died and came back?

A mummy bear

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did the perverted scientist say to his colleague?

If you need me, I'll be in my Lab.

How many mexicans do you need to screw a lightbulb?

Juan

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

Why are spectators so happy with their jobs?

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Little Bit Jokes More Little Bit Jokes

Why do black people have white hands and feet?

Because everyone has a little bit of good in them.

What's the difference between the NBA and a pint of Guinness?

Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top.