I'm not coming into work today
Texans tend to ride horses whereas rednecks ride their cousins. -American Sniper
When the sandwich drops I'm sad.
Shady's back*
He never saw it coming.
A celery increase.
ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.
It was the Bain of his existence.
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
Clawing at the lid of the coffin.
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.