How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

What's the most dangerous animal in Africa?

Black people. (Slightly Racist I know)

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

What do bees use to do their hair?

Honeycombs!

Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

To run their hands through their hair

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List !" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

Simpson Jokes More Simpson Jokes

What did the host serve his guests for The Simpsons marathon night?

Disco Stew!

What is the favorite saying of a police officer in the Simpsons?

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown shoot it down.

Bart Jokes More Bart Jokes

What's Homer Simpsons favourite toy?

Bart.

Who's there ! Bart ! Bart who ?

Bart-enders serve drinks !