What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

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What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas?

A. Betty White.

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Why did the entrepreneur decide to go into the landfill business?

He heard it was a growing field.

What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be?

Beef Jerky.