What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

Why didn't Ukraine go to war with Russia yet?

They were Putin up with him.

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What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

Americas already got two running for president.

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border