Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

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What do you call it when Batman leaves church early?

Christian Bale

What is the fastest way to lose pounds?

Leave EU.

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Why didn't Edward leave his house?

Because he was Snowden.

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?

He was Snowden.

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What do you call a journalist in Russia?

An ambulance.

What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.

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How did Bourne send data to the CIA?

JSON

Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden