Why is Edward Snowden still in Russia?

The airport is Snowden

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Why couldn't the man leave Moscow?

He was Snowden.

Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport?

Because he was Snowden...

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Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.

What's the current number one song in Russia?

Crimea river

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Where do you hide an airport?

IN PLANE SIGHT!

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

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Why is Edward Snowden stuck in Russia?

Because he's snowed-in

What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common?

They're both expatriots (expatriates).