What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.

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Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

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What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium