What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

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Why have they not found Mozart's body yet?

Because he is Haydn.

Who took my username?

When I find you, well, you'll be sorry!

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What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

What element can you find in almost any shoe store?

Heelium! I'll see myself out now...

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What do you call a pink slip served inside a bag of coffee?

Grounds for termination.

What have you been doing" asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really ?

said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground !"

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Why are Curium, Helium, and Barium the medical elements?

A: Because if you can't Curium or Helium them, you Barium!

What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.