What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

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How did Bill Cosby find his daughter in the woods?

A: Pretty good

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

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Why do we all marry?

because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!

What element can you find in almost any shoe store?

Heelium! I'll see myself out now...

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How do Chinese name their kids?

They throw silverware on the ground!

Who hits the ground first?

Better question would be: Why were they in the tree in the first place?

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What do you do with dead atoms?

Barium

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!