What's black and sits at the top of a staircase?

Steven Hawking after a house fire.

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What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What do you call a Cadillac with a staircase on the back?

An escalador.

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What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

Steven Hawking

Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse?

Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back.