What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

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Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

Why do Irishmen grow mustaches?

So they look like their mothers

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What did the witch say when her position was terminated?

You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.