What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

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Why is a sorority the safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse?

Because they're looking for braaaaaaaaaains

What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse?

A solar ellipses...

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Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino?

Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL

What did the witch say when her position was terminated?

You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!