What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

You would pay to have a potato on you...

What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

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Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.