Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

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What do you call 1000 black people buried up to their necks?

Afroturf Also, I'm not racist. I have two color tvs at home.

What do you call 1000 aches?

A .

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How do you get a date on Tinder?

Seriously guys, I've been trying for months so if anyone have any useful tips it would be much appreciated.

Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

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Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

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What do you call a singing laptop?

Adele

Why can't a Mac sing?

Because it's not Adele