00 Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a green lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a green lentil on my face.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

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Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

When's the best time of day to start a diet?

4:00 For:Klock

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What is the similarity between Disney World and a woman?

They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!

How to keep an idiot waiting?

I'll tell you tomorrow. Edit: Grammar.

Knock Jokes More Knock Jokes

Who's there ! Ben ! Ben who ?

Ben knocking on this door all morning !

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

Good Time Jokes More Good Time Jokes

What's the best time of this month for vampires?

It depends on the girl

How many country singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and another to sing about all the good times they had with the lightbulb.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know when a hippy chick is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

Why is Santa Claus always so happy?

He knows where all the bad girls live

911 Jokes More 911 Jokes

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

How did the toad feel in the morning?

A little bit froggy

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why did the man that drank 10 cups of poisoned Lipton not die?

He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea.

What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?

He had a *lovely finish*.