800 Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

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Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar?

Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

I don't know but it's not rhelephant.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion?

Because he was a slave to the cistern!

Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny?

He was wanted for several charges of battery

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?

Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do fish do when they have cancer?

Nemotherapy

Where did Noah park his fish?

The carp-ark.

Nra Jokes More Nra Jokes

How many NRA spokesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns!

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did Spock dump his wife?

because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so

What did the man say to his big breasted ex-wife?

Thanks for the mammaries.

Alex Jokes More Alex Jokes

Who's there ! Alex ! Alex who ?

Alex Plain later !

What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light?

Ultraviolent

800 Pound Jokes More 800 Pound Jokes

Where does an 800 pound gorilla sleep?

With the fishes.

What do you call an 800 pound gorilla?

A: Anything he wants to be called.