800 Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

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Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar?

Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds.

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Candy Bar Jokes More Candy Bar Jokes

How does a candy bar laugh?

It snickers

What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters?

This is non-cents!

800 Pound Jokes More 800 Pound Jokes

Where does an 800 pound gorilla sleep?

With the fishes.

What do you call an 800 pound gorilla?

A: Anything he wants to be called.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

Why do buzzards prefer to fly?

Because they really like their carry-on..... yeah total dad joke, i know.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!"

What do you get when you send a duck backwards in time to the moment before you sent the duck?

A Pair-a-ducks.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium molecules?

2 na

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

Alex Jokes More Alex Jokes

What is buoyancy?

Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.

What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light?

Ultraviolent

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Alaska?

Just for the halibut.

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?

A motor pike !

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

Where do ghost trains stop?

At devil crossings.