What were you doing?

flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."

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How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?

Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.

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Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail?

Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.

Why don't old men like old women?

Ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich

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Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.